Asinine Predictions By An Anonymous Idiot, Lovingly Written By John Dillman – Week 17

 

 

 

Hi guys! Your favorite person on the planet here. I’ve had such a busy week with Christmas (I got a Stretch Armstrong! Jealous?) and being awesome that I have hardly had time to myself to think of how to properly entertain you on this glorious Saturday morning. It is week 17 and all of the Chiefs Kingdom is pumped to see backup Patrick Mahomes take his chances in the spotlight. My first prediction is that Mahomes comes out swinging and sets the world on fire lighting up the Broncos defense and exploiting the secondary with pinpoint throws and deep bombs. This fantastic showing will have John Dorsey, the new GM of the hapless Cleveland Browns, salivating and ready to offer a kings ransom to get the future Chiefs signal caller in the land of misery and woes. (Thats Cleveland by the way.) With 2 first round picks and 3 second rounders Dorsey has an arsenal to get the job done. Just imagine him trading 2 firsts and 2 seconds for Patrick. One first this year, one next and both second rounders this year. This could potentially push us over the top. I am honestly not sure who was the bigger Mahomes fan, Reid or Dorsey. If it were really John who was pushing for the Texas Tech signal caller this could wind up being a real possibility. With Alex Smith playing the best football of his career and quarterbacks playing well into their late 30’s and early 40’s Smith could be around for the foreseeable future.

 

With what I have just typed I can see you calling me a stark raving mad lunatic who needs to seriously have his head checked. Granted. But did you ever once think to yourself, Man, John is just awesome. How can I ever strive to be as super cool as him? Now that I have your attention and your blood boiling… here are your asinine predictions for week 17!

 

Panthers at Falcons

Prediction A: Matt Ryan is still fuming over the loss last week against the Saints and will come in to his final home game ready for blood. A Panther can bleed as well as anything else. The Falcons will sink their talons into the Panthers winning 28 to 21.

Prediction B: Cam Newton will wear a stupid hat. Maybe its just me but I don’t understand the hats he wears. Maybe we should all pitch in and get him an Alex Smith signed Chiefs hat to wear to his press conference? I have 5 bucks to spare.

Prediction C: Julio Jones will snag 4 touchdown passes and have a career day with over 250 yards receiving.

 

Bengals at Ravens

Prediction 1: This game will be as close to Thunderdome as the NFL will allow. 2 coaches enter, 1 couch may leave! Seriously though,this will be the last hurrah for Bengals head coach Marvin Lewis and it will be one that will leave him saltier than a pretzel with no cheese. Ravens win and it won’t be close.

Prediction 2: With this win the Ravens know they will clinch a playoff berth so they will go all out in seeing the job done. Unfortunately Ravens signal caller Joe Flacco will take the brunt of the fight being sacked an astonishing 5 times.

Prediction 3: Kevin Huber will tweak his hammy with all the work he is going to put in. (He’s the Bengals punter. I was basically saying they aren’t going to do squat. I hate it when I have to explain my stupid jokes to you.)

 

Packers at Lions

Prediction I: Aaron Rodgers isn’t going to be released. You probably have heard that the Packers have violated the rules for the IR by activating Rodgers then placing him back on IR. I would bet a testicle that he isn’t going anywhere (Lefty, I would never bet you Righty.) I know that doesn’t really have anything to do with this game but it is a prediction none the less.

Prediction II: They Lions took full advantage of the Rodgersless (This is a word right?) Packers the last time they met and they will continue their winning ways in a convincing fashion. Lions 37 Packers 17.

Prediction III: Brett Hundley is going to toss 3 picks in a match that he wished he would have just stayed home for.

Texans at Colts

Prediction IV: In a battle of the uglys someone has to win. Flip a coin, they both stink.

Prediction V: Lucas Oil Stadium will fall victim to the Great Beer Riot of 2017. Enraged football fans will be driven into a frenzy not by the horrible show they paid good money for but by the lack of beer to help temper their dashed hopes. Beer vendors will be over-ran and the supply will run dry by the start of the second half. With no hope in sight the mass of rage filled drunkards will take their frustrations out on the concession stands. So much mustard wasted…..

 

Bills at Dolphins

Prediction !): The Bills will be looking to win and get a massive amount of help from other teams to keep their playoff hopes alive. They will at least do their part and leave sunny Florida with a big W on their record.

Prediction @(: Miami, fresh off their loss to the awesome Kansas City Chiefs (I’m allowed to be biased.) will be reeling and not able to recover their offensive woes. With Jay Cutler at the helm they are bound to have at least 2 picks but I would expect the turnover troubles to rub off on his running backs as well.

Prediction #*: Tyrod Taylor is a decent quarterback. Not exceptional but someone you can get some solid wins with. He plays like an elite signal caller against the Dolphins for some reason. Expect that trend to continue and he will post his best passer rating of his young career this week.

 

Bears at Vikings

Prediction Q: If I would have told you Case Keenum would surpass Sam Bradford in the depth chart in week one you would have called me an idiot? An anonymous idiot. Now With Case leading the Norsemen they have a serious chance of securing a first round bye with a week 17 win. Their starters will be out in force to accomplish this goal. Vikings 31 Bears 16.

Prediction P: Mitchell Trubisky will see the best rated defense in the league and will be punished for his insolence. Its gonna get ugly folks. Bring your popcorn.

 

Jets at Patriots

Prediction 1: The Jets are starting Bryce Petty at quarterback. Who the h-e-double-hockey-sticks is Bryce Petty you ask? Closest I could think is that he must be some relation to Tyler Palko. I feel kinda bad for the guy. This is the mismatch of the year and the Patriots will clinch home field advantage throughout the playoff with this drubbing of the green men. Patriots 41 Jets 12.

Prediction 2: Tom Brady will sit on the bench for the 4th quarter with the win firmly in hand.

Prediction 3: Bill Belichick will have on a hoodie and a frown. It’s like he has resting grump face. I couldn’t think of anything else that would be worth noting from this game.

 

Redskins at Giants

Prediction 1: Wow the Giants aren’t getting any love around the league even though they are playing at home. I guess that will happen to you when your top receiving threat is fresh off the Denver practice squad. Expect Manning to have a rough day.

Prediction 2: Cousins has a chance to go into the offseason with a winning record with a bad Washington team. He will make every play possible to make this a reality. Redskins 17 Giants 6.

 

Cowboys at Eagles

Prediction A1: The Eagles are on fire and the Cowboys are, well they aren’t on fire. One could say they are luke warm. With Nick Foles at the helm and the playoffs already a sealed deal I wouldn’t expect the Eagles to have their starters stay in longer than a few series.

Prediction B1: Elliott will be held from a 1000 yard rushing season by 10 yards.

Prediction C1: Dak Prescott will take advantage of the second string Eagles defenders, but the game will only be for pride. Dallas 21 Philadelphia 17

 

Browns at Steelers

Don’t watch this.

 

Saints at Buccaneers

Prediction 2A: The Saints will be scrambling to clinch the NFC South title for the first time since 2011 and with everything on the line the Bucs have a great chance to play the villain. Tampa Bay will take this fight to overtime with a thrilling victory. Saints 27 Bucs 30.

Prediction 2B: Drew Brees will complete 80% of his passes with no interceptions and 3 touchdowns in the loss to the Buccaneers.

 

Jaguars at Titans

Prediction 3A: The Jags have nothing to play for with the #3 seed already locked down and no chance to improve their standings. Even with the coach saying they will play their starters I would expect to see the backups before the half.

Prediction 2B: The Titans are fighting for their post-season lives and will take on the challenge laid down by the Jaguar defense. Desperate for a victory they will pull out all the stops and bring home the big win and the wildcard spot it earns them.

 

Chiefs at Broncos

Prediction 4Z: In a battle of the future Paxton Lynch will take on Patrick Mahomes in the first of many matches. The Broncos have lost 4 consecutive games to the Chiefs. Sunday will make it 5.

Prediction 4Y: For some reason the Chiefs always play the Broncos close. This game will be decided by an overtime field goal by Harrison Butker.

Prediction 4X: Charcandrick West will show he can be trusted with a heavier load and will gallop to over 100 yards rushing in the thin mile high air [… if he plays].

 

Raiders at Chargers

Prediction !: The Raiders have a chance to ruin the Chargers slim playoff hopes with what should effectively be another home game for the Raiders. Expect to see more black than blue in the stands.

Prediction@: Derek Carr will out duel Phillip Rivers 320 yard to 285. This will help push the Raiders over the top and give them the victory just to spite their AFC West rivals.

 

49ers at Rams

Prediction 1: The Rams will be resting their starters giving Garoppolo a huge opportunity to end his season with 5 straight victories and a good feeling heading into the offseason. Rams 17 49ers 24.

Prediction 2: Garoppolo will give the 49ers fans hope of a real quarterback for the first time since Alex Smith was still on the team. His final outing of the season will sport over 300 yards passing with 3 touchdowns and no interceptions.

 

Cardinals at Seahawks

Prediction X01: The Seahawks are fighting to keep their playoff hopes alive with this final victory over a Drew Stanton led Arizona team. The turnover prone Stanton will help them to victory with 2 interceptions and 1 fumble lost.

Prediction X02: Russel Wilson will have one of the worst games of his career throwing 3 interceptions and passing for an abysmal 175 yards. Luckily for his teammates Arizona will be in just as rough of shape.

 

There we have it guys. I know that these predictions are always 100% accurate so you may want to call your bookies now to get the best odds. Now it’s late as I type this so I’m going to bed. Good night all!

 

Comment below and let me know how super cool I am. I actually got someone to say how awesome I was last week! THANKS PAUL! As always VIVA LA JET SWEEP and GO CHIEFS!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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  • Chiefs-Kings-A’s

    Well… assuming these predictions are right, our first round opponent will be the Ravens.
    We have three possibilities in the Bills, Titans and Ravens.
    The Chiefs are undoubtedly capable of beating any one of these teams at home in a do or die situation, but of course I’d rather take on the biggest “sure bet”.
    I’m not sure who to root for this weekend.

    • PaulFromNorthMo

      The Ravens don’t really scare anyone, neither do the Bills really (regardless of what happened a few weeks ago). The Titans are a huge mess, so I don’t think it really matters who comes to KC. I hope the Giants game taught them not to overlook any other team.

      • berttheclock

        The only thing I fear about the first playoff game will be whether the Chiefs try to only just suit up because they “KNOW”, the real game will be the next one. KC has a history of doing just that.

        • tm1946

          I keep suggesting that is Reid’s most problematic issue. Win one particular game… not a season of games but one specific game… he seems a bit short on that accomplishment.

  • freshmeat62
  • tm1946

    Will be a bad weekend for some…. many, if not most, teams will be resting starters and wins/losses will be tainted with “if our starters had played”.

    I am hoping Mahones just does ok to ok+. Otherwise, just how bad a HC is Reid (really want my opinion on this?)? If Mahomes tears it up, shouldn’t he been playing after the Giant’s game?

    Other than that, these predictions are dead on except for two (odds).

    • Chiefs-Kings-A’s

      Mahomes won’t tear it up……not in below freezing temps against that defense.

      • tm1946

        Never tried -0 temps but cold is not bad… darned wet is/was a killer… slow and sliding just made for mud. Suspect Mahomes will be so high playing for the first time in the NFL before friends and family, heck the nation… his feet may never touch the frozen tundra all day.

        • berttheclock

          “the nation”? Who outside of Denver and KC fans will even watch the game? In our area, the afternoon game will be the Raiders-Chargers.

          • tm1946

            NFL is coming to an end and for some of us – a long winter’s nap without football is tough. For a kid, who probably spent all his time at football since he was 8…. what more could he dream of? ‘the nation”, no but the nation in his mind… maybe.

          • Derek

            Actually you’re forgetting he didn’t play football til junior year of high school. Was a basketball and baseballer first

          • mnelson52

            Chiefs will be shown here in SE Mo but I’m surprised because we’re only 3 hours from Nashville. That game has meaning and as you said, no one will watch Chiefs and Broncos except their fans. This is the first year that every Chiefs game has been /will be televised. I guess it’s because Rams moved to LA.

          • mnelson52

            Now that I think about it, Titans probably play at noon but they’re showing Jets and Pats. Anyway, my point was I’m surprised Chiefs game is on instead of a game with playoff implications.

          • Derek

            You’re nuts this is the 3rd biggest game in the NFL. Everyone on nfl network mentions how exciting it is to see this kid play. He’s talked about like he’s an Aaron Rodgers media darling already. Bleacher report loves this kid, good morning football loves this kid, sports illustrated, nbc sports, fan rag sports, pff gave him the highest grade of any qb in the entire preseason by a mile lol. The media nationwide loves this kid. Everyone is on the bandwagon that he’s the next big thing. Hell gruden Said he’s the best player in the draft so did Bruce Ariens…stop hating on 2pm and change your broken clock already lol. Ignorant old man…

          • berttheclock

            Learned a long time ago to use my own two eyes as to what the team needs. Pundits, especially, national ones have little meaning in my view. So, is this gunslinger going to play CB, LB, D-line for the Chiefs? I really don’t put that much faith in any one QB as I see the game as being a game of the entire team and I believe, next year, the Chiefs will be wanting in several areas.

          • berttheclock

            Perhaps, you really do not know me. I am not a bandstand type. I march to my own drummer.

          • tm1946

            ?? in the day… wasn’t Ryan Leaf a hot commodity ?? Until they show up… we can project how valuable they are but much like a breeze in the reeds… meaningless.

            PS I think he will be good enough but will miss having much of a draft in 2018 anyway.

          • ladner morse

            Hi Derek, while I agree with your general assessment of PMII…

            …please remember that AO is a “no troll site” meant to be free of name calling as well as cussing. You made your point without using the derogatory term of “ignorant old man”… and being rather “old” myself…and having banned bloggers before… I’d simply like to say… please stop using these words.

            -Ladner Morse, owner and moderator

      • PaulFromNorthMo

        It’s supposed to be in the upper 20’s in Denver tomorrow (which is a heck of a lot warmer than KC), but from what I have seen, it’s been in the 50’s there about all week, including today, so I don’t think the field will be in bad shape.

        • berttheclock

          I just checked their weather and the prediction is for 25 at game time. But, not a great deal of wind.

          • mnelson52

            Down in upper teens before game ends. Temp will be dropping quickly

    • PaulFromNorthMo

      A bad weekend for most. The 2017 season is over for 20 teams and their fans.

      • tm1946

        Always sit back and am amazed – every year, every team’s fans actually think they will be in the super bowl… every stinkin’ year.

        • mnelson52

          Not Cleveland fans

          • tm1946

            In a much younger day… I was at the mistake on the lake…. they were nuts then….. hated Paul Brown and Cincy but went nuts over Browns…. only way to stay warm…. did I mention I was old.

  • PaulFromNorthMo

    A lot of top WR’s out for the game. I see Hill is out for us. Sanders and Latimer are out for the Donks.

  • PaulFromNorthMo

    How about 1 more prediction. Revis gets his first (and possibly only) int as a Chief.

  • berttheclock

    As I have absolutely no interest in tomorrow’s game in Denver, I was reading about something which happened several years ago and began a chain of mediocrity for the hapless Browns. The article is up at ESPN NFL this AM. It concerns the playoff game between the Browns and the Steelers in 2002. The Browns barely made it into the playoffs as a wild card team and played the Steelers. There were several excellent coaches on the staff of the Browns, but, not their HC, Butch Davis. Such as Pagano, Arians, Keith Butler just for a few. In the first half of play, the DC, Fazio, decided to blitz. The blitzes did not stop Pittsburgh, but, they created enough havoc to the point the Steelers scored only 7 points for the half. However, Butch Davis told his DC to stop blitzing in the 2nd half and only play 3 up front with 8 back in a prevent This allowed Tommy Maddox, the QB of the Steelers to chip away in the 2nd half. The game still came down to one final play by Cleveland which would have run out the clock, but, the wide out dropped a sure thing and the Steelers were able to put together a winning drive.

    Keith Butler left the Browns the next year in a shakeup of both coaches and the roster. He went to the Steelers and became a LB coach. Now, he is the DC of the Steelers and he is the architect of their great LB corps.

    But, the main reason I wanted to type this concerns the so-called prevent defense. I have seen the Bears revert to it after pressing TeBow for almost an entire game. The prevent allowed TeBow to gain life and they ended up beating the Bears. That same thing happened the following game where Dick LeBeau, the DC of the Steelers called for a prevent the entire game against TeBow and the Steelers lost. Bob Sutton gives in to the prevent far too much. What does the prevent ever prevent?

    • mnelson52

      It prevents the defense from stopping the offense. Therefore letting an inferior team back in the game. That’s the only thing I see it prevent

    • Derek

      Solid basketball game last night but it was all about the 3 pt talent and fearlessNess of the Jayhawks. No frank mason will be an issue moving forward but Kansas could still go far in the tournament if they continue to shoot well. I still can’t believe you have a preseason game to watch against a rival with a shiny new qb and 1st round pick and you have no interest? You do realize that you only have a month left of football right? Why waste any game. Going to be a long off season rewatching mahomes tape until next August lol. Go chiefs viva la mahomes 😛

      • berttheclock

        The main reason I will not watch, even on the internet, is due to the fact neither winning nor losing will make any difference in our playoff seeding. The game will be conducted by mostly backups on both sides. Only thing any of them will playing for is personal incentives. Plus, I still believe moving up to 10 in the draft and giving so much for this young QB was the worst possible move by Dorsey and will set this team backwards.

    • Calchiefsfan

      Keeping a lead?

      • berttheclock

        Watching your team go into prevent is akin to some sort of water torture of drip, drip, drip. It is very much akin to getting a lead in basketball by playing up tempo, then, going into slo-mo to maintaint your lead. I have seen far too many teams end up losing that way. I still believe what kept KU from beating North Carolina in 1957 was the fact after clawing their way back into a 46-43 lead, Harp put the Jayhawks into a stall and they lost their momentum.

  • berttheclock

    Last night, I watched my beloved Jayhawks beat Texas in Austin. The Longhorns have an exceptional young center for them by the name of Mohammed Bamba. He is very tall and very athletic, but, he has a wing span of 7 feet nine inches. He swatted 8 shots, several of them at their apex. I could just imagine Hank Stram, if he were still here, drooling about signing him to swat away FGs.

  • Heilios

    Good morning guys! What are your final score predictions for tomorrow’s game?

    • PaulFromNorthMo

      I think the Chiefs will run away with this one but the donkeys will get a garbage time TD….31-16 Chiefs.

      • depends on how our young depth players fare(Fair?). I can see most of these young guys performing well.. It really depends on what the Broncos do with their starters. I am not sure myself, what the internals are in Denver’s clubhouse, vis a vis their QB, leadership, dissention etc…

        • PaulFromNorthMo

          We know their QB has been the biggest problem all season. From the games I’ve seen, the HC seems lost.

      • Ron Widman

        27-17 chiefs win. Mahomes throws for 250 1 td and 1 int. However, not sure what defense Andy will throw out there and will Denver’s defense want to play or have they already gone fishing.

        • PaulFromNorthMo

          If this game meant something to either team, I could see Denver playing hard. But they can’t change our fate or theirs, so I have my doubts about how much effort they put forth.

          • Ron Widman

            Gone fishing!

    • tm1946

      Not sure how to predict without knowing who was playing Sunday? If we go by need, broncos are the most needy of the two teams. If we go by ego, the Chiefs might have an edge. If we go by killer instinct, ie hunger to win…. could be a tie, in regulation then coin flip and everyone go home.

    • Derek

      28-9 kc mahomes goes 21 of 37 for 4 tds and 1 pick and 329 yards…one just needs to have faith…unfortunately more likely is 280 yards on 19 of 33 for 3 tds and 2 ints

  • berttheclock

    What is the health update on both Laddie and David Bell. I hope both are recovering and Bell has decided to stay in Houston for awhile. I have been checking out the PNW weather and a great amount of snow is headed for Avery, Idaho. When one sees a great deal of pink colors atop the Cascades heading east, watch out both Idaho and Montana.

    • ladner morse

      Thank you for asking: I’m in limbo this weekend awaiting permission from the insurance company to go home and begin a 4 to 6 week out-patient program calling for the self-administration of an anti-biotic drug regimen. However, the insurance company, I’m told, is closed this weekend… like I believe that.

      • mnelson52

        I’m sure insurance would be glad for anyone to go home. I’m guessing the question is, how much they will cover as an outpatient if any.

        • ladner morse

          As it turns out, ALL of the Home Health Care service centers in Kansas City… CLOSED on Friday at noon. So, no one can help set it up until Tuesday.

          Also means I’m stuck watching the Chiefs game on a 20-inch TV screen.

    • I am out of the woods and will have a piece for Sunday. This thing kicked my tail about 4 days after arriving in Houston. I too thank you for checking in….

      • mnelson52

        Glad you are much better.

  • berttheclock

    Loved reading at the Denver Post/Sports/Broncos, comments from Osweiler telling one and all how much he loves playing for the Broncos and wants to retire as a Bronco. Meanwhile, Lynch will be starting in place of him.

    • PaulFromNorthMo

      Well, I guess if Oz retires at the end of the 2017 season, he’ll get his wish.

  • PaulFromNorthMo

    The Browns FO probably has more interest in the Texans/Colts game than anyone. If the Colts win, Dorsey would end up with the 1st and 3rd overall pick in next years draft.

    • berttheclock

      This AM at the Plain Dealer, a writer covering the Browns had a Mock up showing Dorsey taking Darnold at one, except, the name could well change, but, not the position. However, at 4, he has Dorsey selecting the FS, Minkah Fitzpatrick from Alabama. They have never really known what to do with the multi purpose Peppers, who may well be a jack of all trades, but, trying to decide at what position has eluded their coaches.

      • PaulFromNorthMo

        If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, is that if these so called “experts”, that have a way to communicate with the teams in some fashion, can’t come close to getting a draft projection correct, then I don’t have a chance of predicting anything when it applies to the NFL draft.
        I pay very little attention to anything other than the Chiefs and I watch very little college ball, so about all I have to go on is stats and records.
        With Dorsey, we knew he was going to draft one or two that no one had ever heard of, but I have no clue what Veach will do.

        • berttheclock

          I believe the writer is correct only in the fact it would make sense to draft a QB first, then, go defense. But, one major problem with the Browns since the days of Bernie Kosar is the amount of QBs they have drafted and none of them stuck around very long.

          • berttheclock

            In 2004, the Browns traded with Detroit to move up from 7 to 6 and they selected Kellon Winslow II, a TE from Miami of Florida. In doing so, they left a QB from nearby Miami of Ohio on the board to be taken by Pittsburgh at 11. His name is Big Ben something or other. They have never beaten him.

          • Calchiefsfan

            The Browns for several decades now have never understood the benefit of good character. Kellen Winslow 2 is a great example of that. Fast forward to now and it’s Josh Gordon and Johnny Manziel. Hopefully for the Browns that weakness will be corrected with John Dorsey as their new GM. It will be interesting to see if that does in fact change

        • tm1946

          Veach will be interesting to watch, another. first time GM…. at some point in time, fans have to accept first time GMs come with baggage, the need to show everyone how they can do it better than other GMs and they make a lot of mistakes…. only in this case, we got no draft picks to make mistakes with… thank you Dorsey.

    • tm1946

      Wonder if he can find another Fisher and Ford with those picks? And overpay a few veterans … just to prove what he did in KC was not a fluke?

      • PaulFromNorthMo

        Hahahahaha! I’ll bet that he can.

      • Chiefs-Kings-A’s

        Ford appears to be a bust IMO, but after Albert left, I don’t know who else at LT if not for Fisher.

        • tm1946

          That is why he gets the big bucks.

  • ladner morse
  • KCMikeG

    Got my Grandson Stretch Armstrong for Christmas! It was nostalgic for me – a big hit for him. Enjoy your madness! With West out how about we sneak Charles into his old jersey. Never should have let him go. Not to be our feature back but one hell of a 3rd down/WR back. Happy New Year all!