You guys really have it made. Week after week you log on to one of the greatest Chiefs fan sites (I’m biased) and get to read the magical writings of quite possibly the most awesome Chiefs fan writer to walk the planet. (I’m biased, remember?) Every week I spend my Friday night putting together nonsensical words to make sure that you wake up Saturday morning with a smile. Sure this tireless effort gives me countless adoring fans who would do practically anything I would ask of them. Jump up and down? Check. Run in a circle? Check. I could go on and on. So what else do I get from writing these articles? How about the gift of foresight? For starters I have begun to notice that my predictions are always spot on. I predicted the victory against the Chargers last week. I predicted the beatdown of the Raiders. I predicted that Kareem Hunt would have a breakout rookie season. I could use this power for personal gain. Lotto numbers anyone? Instead of abusing my power I am going to help us all. I will share my special gift with the masses. I will give you the top reasons the Chiefs will win on Christmas Eve.
Reason number one: The Dolphins suck.
Reason number two: Jay Cutler has already thrown 14 interceptions this year and should be good for 2 or 3 more this week. Call it his Christmas present to us.
Reason number three: Marcus Peters figured out how to tackle. I know I know. It was only one game but Snickerdoodles if I wasn’t surprised that he actually tackled someone. He rang a bell, and confetti rained down from the heavens and somewhere an angel received their wings.
Reason number four: Kareem Hunt appears to have an offensive line that doesn’t give me horrible nightmares featuring Barry “The Matador” Richardson. Ole’!
Reason number five: Arrowhead gives the ultimate home field advantage featuring over seventy five thousand screaming fans. It’s also “… the land of the free and the home of the CHIEFS!!!!”
Reason number six: Derrick Johnson is back as the leader of the defense. Now I know he has lost a step since his achilles injury but he still will bring the hammer down on his opponent. You may want to ask Marshawn Lynch how he felt after DJ stuffed him into the dirt.
Reason number seven: Just picture in your mind an Indian Chief and a Dolphin locked in a mortal struggle to the death. I’ve ran this exact scenario through my mind numerous times and not once have I pictured the dolphin triumphing over a fully decked native warrior chief. Most of the time the outcome is the chief and his war party are enjoying some delicious dolphin roasted over an open fire (Editor’s Note: he means tuna). The other two times involve not so dolphin safe tuna (in no way does ArrowheadOne advocate the delicious, succulent crime of cannibalism). Editor’s Note: he was not forced to say that.
Reason number eight: My dog says they are going to win. He’s a good boy. Such a good boy.
Reason number nine: Matt Nagy took Andy Reid’s Chinese takeout menu away from him thus revealing a hidden play sheet underneath littered with passes beyond 5 yards, slant routes, and nary a bubble screen in sight. With Andy finally giving up the play-calling duties we have seen a few missteps but overall the outcome has been fantastic. Now I am a bit downtrodden with the lack of jet sweeps but even I can’t fault the results. Who knew Tyreek Hill would become a legitimate number one receiver. Speaking of Tyreek Hill….
Reason number ten: Tyreek Hill. Whether returning a kick or running a fade route Tyreek Hill has shown the league that last year was not a fluke and he is capable of taking over the duties of a team’s top receiver. He tops the league with blazing speed, terrific hands and has some of the longest touchdown catches. No matter where he is one the field he is a legitimate threat to score.
Reason number eleven: Travis Kelce is the best tight end in the league. I know Patriots fans will be screaming into their clam chowder with this claim, but Kelce is the best tight end in the league. He is a pass catching threat, a selfless blocker and a clutch player. One thing that he has going for him that Gronk doesn’t, he isn’t made of glass.
Reason number twelve: My dog really is a good boy.
Reason number thirteen: The Dolphins are 6 and 8 and on the outside looking in when it comes to the playoff race. They will never wrestle the division away from the Patriots and are the 10th seed in the playoff race meaning they are almost all but eliminated from contention. Not only would they have to win out but they would also need a miracle to have the Raiders, the Chargers, the Ravens, the Bills and the Titans lose their remaining games to get in as a wildcard. They have nothing to play for and will be shifting to rebuild mode in the offseason.
Reason number fourteen: I am the Nostradamus of Chiefs fan sites. My will be done.
There we have it guys. The bonafide reasons the Chiefs will win on Sunday. Call it an early Christmas present from me to you. Now for my final prediction. Chiefs win 34-to-12 and will also win the turnover differential with +4. Kareem Hunt will have 150 yards rushing with two touchdowns and Travis Kelce and Albert Wilson will have a touchdown each. Harrison Butker will be perfect on the day with extra points and two field goals.
Comment below and let me know how awesome I am. It helps me through the day. As always VIVA LA JET SWEEP and GO CHIEFS!
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