Well, well, well. This week is the bye week for our beloved Kansas City Chiefs. If you are like me, you devote a significant amount of your hard earned weekend to eating, sleeping, watching, and living all things Chiefs. Unfortunately Kansas City is sitting at home this weekend trying to figure out adjustments, schemes, and game planning necessary to help the team come out swinging after the bye. While this is great for the team and offers the players and coaches a much needed rest midway through the season, it makes for a boring time for fans. Now I’m so mental that I require constant visual and audio stimulation to keep me out of a straightjacket so I have to find something to do with myself otherwise my wife may wind up killing me by Sunday evening. (Seriously if you don’t hear from me throughout the weekend, direct the police straight to my wife. Her name is Sa…… Umm….. Nevermind. (SHE’S WATCHING ME RIGHT NOW!)) Back to the topic at hand. Without the Chiefs playing you probably have time to kill and money to burn. Don’t ask me how you got extra money. Whatever you do on Friday nights in fishnet hose down on Broadway is your business. So lets say it was a slow night on the corner and you only have an extra hundred bucks to blow through this weekend. What should you do with your windfall of time and money? I have a few ideas…..
Top 10 things to do with your money and weekend:
#1: Wander around the local Home Depot – If you are like me that $100 dollars will be gone quick and you probably won’t remember why you needed an extra set of allen wrenches and 3 sets of the same deep well sockets.
#2: Go and visit your local Farmers Market – I know its a bit out of season but you can still go get some great produce. Also where else can you get a crappy bead necklace for $15? You got a cool Benjamin to blow and you aren’t gonna get it done with zucchini and cantaloupe. Also I will say this, I saw Dexter McCluster at the River Market in Kansas City a few years back. He signed my Chiefs shirt I was wearing. You never know who you are going to see.
#3: Take your significant other out to a very nice dinner – You know as well as I do that a good dinner out can smooth over a weeks worth of arguments and jealousy over who actually looks better in heels. I know they match your fishnet hose but you really can’t pull it off.
#4: Take 10 friends to see a movie – You can destroy that poor C-note in a short two hours with ten of your closest friends at your local theater. Only problem is it’s going to be like the damn Sahara in there because you spent all your honey-money on movie tickets and can’t afford the $12 dollar drink. Oh and God help you if you want some popcorn. You may have to spend Saturday night out working your craft to afford any refreshments.
#5: Go to 10 movies alone – Friends are overrated anyways and all they will do is talk through the movie. Sure as God’s got sandals your buddy Steve’s phone will ring right when you are about to find out who the real killer was, thus ruining the entire cinematic experience. Steve sucks.
#6: Go jogging – Lets face it, Friday was a slow night for ya. Now it could be that the Johns just weren’t out in force but it could also be that muffin top you have been rocking lately. I know one day worth of jogging won’t solve your waistline woes but it will make you feel better about yourself when you spend that hundred bucks on gummy bears and a Cinnabon.
#7: Rake the leaves – Your wife contacted me and said she has been on you for a while now to clean up the yard. It’s a bye weekend for Pete’s sake. Just bite the bullet and get it done with. That is unless you have a super secret hiding space in the garage like I do. The pizza guy knows where to drop the pie at and he will get a good tip for keeping his mouth shut.
#8: Go to Wal-Mart – The problem with going to Wal-Mart is you will spend your spare cheddar on what seems like 3 items and it will inevitably wind up costing over your 100 dollar budget. Now you are dipping into next weeks profits and that gentlemen is no way to run a respectable business.
#9: Check out the local mall – Let me say this right off the bat. I HATE THE MALL, I HATE IT WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING. That said the Oak Park Mall in Lenexa has an awesome sports store where you can trade that cabbage for a brand new Mahomes jersey. [I put that in for you Bert ;-)] The main problem with going to the mall is teenagers. One day I will snap and Laddie will have to come bail me out of jail. Good thing he moved up to KC otherwise it would have been a long time — like, three days — in the pokey waiting on sweet sweet freedom to make the drive up from Texas [Editor’s Note- I believe in tough love so… he’s still waiting three days].
#10: Go buy Chiefs v Bills tickets – This is what I plan on doing with my boring bye weekend. There is a group on Facebook call KC Chiefs Ticket Exchange. Through them there is a boys group that does fundraisers and offers discount tickets. For $30 bucks a seat I can get myself some nosebleed seats at the greatest NFL stadium ever built. Two tickets and a parking pass will take care of my excess financial responsibility. I may even have enough left over for an overpriced hotdog.
I’m sure by now you realize that this entire article was designed to put you in a good mood and help you through a weekend where there isn’t much going on in the Chiefs Kingdom. I would rather have a bit of fun and joke around than rehash the last game or over analyze the upcoming match. My hope is I was able to brighten your Saturday morning and help wake you up. I’m sure you are as tired as I am. Besides, I dread Friday nights man, the heels just kill my legs!
That’s all I have for you this week guys! Comment below and let me know what you think of my incoherent ramblings. As always VIVA LA JET SWEEP and GO CHIEFS!
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