Josh Kingsley
Welcome to my Weird, Wild, and hopefully Wonderful World. A W4 Salute! I profile as someone who watches a ton of TV shows. My pop culture game is strong. However, I don’t have a deep catalog of shows viewed, and I am not currently watching anything. Cobra Kai, Andor and the new season of The Mandalorian are the only things on my to do list.
The most recent show I watched completely was Parks and Rec, and it was during the height of 2020 Covid. I’ve since watched it again. The main reason I don’t watch many TV shows is knowledge of my habits. I have not seen an episode of Game of Thrones, Sopranos, Breaking Bad or many other venerable offerings mainly because I am afraid to start. My fear is burning substantial time I do not have on a show.
Be warned this piece is full of major plot spoilers… and now, ladies and gentlemen… my love letter to the CHIEFS, Parks and Rec and parody.
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The Parks and Rec Theme:
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Format and Genesis
This idea is as random as social media. Let me explain. One of the KC CHIEFS content creators, Farzin Vousoughian — highly recommend giving him a follow — often posts photos of former players, coaches and execs. His angle: any non-bandwagon (AKA suffering in recent history) fan can name them. A week or so ago he put up a photo of Todd Haley and Scott Pioli.
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I felt compelled to comment naming them “The Wooooorst!!, ” which is a Parks and Rec reference to the Saperstein siblings. That was a fun joke for a hot minute with friends. Then I decided to lose control and make a column. It started as a character assignment for the top billed cast, and spiraled to most of the 5+ episode cast. I collaborated with a couple other super fans (co-worker Matt and Titans Anthony) and Misty. Misty’s contribution –> “keep it tight and don’t make it a long inside joke for you and few other people.”
I will try, Misty. Let’s get to it!!
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Leslie Knope – Patrick Mahomes
Leslie, played by Amy Poehler, is the main character of the show. It’s about her and totally her starring story. Mahomes seems the natural fit, right? I actually started with Leslie as Andy Reid, but made a switch at Anthony’s suggestion.
Leslie plays a deputy director of the Pawnee, IN Parks and Rec department. She is all heart and soul and deeply loves her community. Every plot line is a fight for the good of her community. The show is a comedy, so the winning scenarios are expected. However, the show delivers massive wins. By the end of the show Leslie holds many public offices, runs the national parks system, and ultimately ends up governor of Indiana. The beginning of the show does nothing to suggest that level of success.
Mahomes really fits. He is Showtime. The CHIEFS are his story. Patrick plays an unconventional QB from a Big XII school. Those guys never work out. Draft critics panned the pick, but he developed quickly. He used all his quirky skills, athletic ability and pure desire to his max enroute to the 2018 MVP. We expected wins and even a Super Bowl. The 2019 Super Bowl was getting elected to council. Last season serves as running the national parks. I believe we have a few terms of governor coming.
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Ron Swanson – Andy Reid
Ron is the show’s best character. Nick Offerman masterfully plays a caricature of himself as the grumpy, libertarian, principled parks director. Ron hates government, taxes and all that come with them, but he loves effort, ingenuity and winning. He is Leslie’s coach, confidant, and cheerleader. Along the way he cares a lot.
The things that make Ron the best character are his love of all things meat, his great catchphrases, his no nonsense approach and his occasional wild streaks. Anthony was totally right. This is Andy Reid. The guy we always rooted for, and the guy we knew would eventually win. Andy managed to tune out the total nonsense that was Philly. Ron made Leslie elite, and Andy makes Patrick elite.
Ron is a master craftsman. Andy is a master offensive mind. Ron’s best line of the show — “I know more than you” — happens in the second clip below. Andy’s version is –> the walk in TD during the Super Bowl.
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Andy Dwyer – Chris Jones
Chris Pratt put himself on the A-list with his portrayal of everyman, Andy. Andy isn’t front and center all the time, but he drives the plot and is a legit star of the show. He is the slapstick comedy relief from a smarter than seems simpleton. At the end of the day Andy is a lover that takes care of his teammates.
Chris Jones is the D anchor. He steps up when needed on an off the field. When necessary he delivers key lines, such as the reminder to –> never disrespect Arrowhead. That was the best line from last season’s playoff run. Here’s Andy’s version.
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The writers HATED Pratt’s brilliance (because they didn’t think of what he could improv) much like the Bengals hated Jones.
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April Ludgate Dwyer – Tryann Mathieu
Aubrey Plaza brilliantly plays the deadpan psycho, April. April starts as an intern focused on avoiding work and ends up a leader. Along the way she falls in love with Andy, and we all fall in love with her. April has many aggressive takes including that she is the devil. She remains a supporting character, but often steals the show.
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This is the Honey Badger. Our 2019 Super Bowl does not happen without him. Plus, all the surrounding time is simply fun because he was there. Here’s some of April Ludgate Dwyer‘s best one-liners:
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Tom Haverford – John Dorsey
Aziz Ansari plays Tom the master of swagger in the office. He is also delusional, which is why Kelce doesn’t show up here. Tom is brash. He constantly takes big swings and makes it clear he is bigger than his job. Success does come many times. Tom features early building up the local club… The Snake Hole Lounge… and gets the entire cast very drunk in possibly the best episode of the show. Then he ruins it by using his government position to sell liquor. Tom also shows great judgement on such occasions as firing Jean-Ralphio when founding Rent-A-Swag. Ultimately, his final legacy is failure to a level that he gets success because of it.
Dorsey was a hot commodity when Clark Hunt hired him from the Packers. From the moment he hit KC sports media speculated about his next move. He was never staying in KC forever. The Packers threatened to have him succeed Ted Thompson. The coasts called. He was technically the GM that drafted Patrick Mahomes. Then he stepped out of line cutting Jeremy Maclin without Andy Reid or Clark Hunt’s input… and he was gone. Dorsey is a great and key character in the CHIEFS lore, but the losses are notable.
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Ann Perkins – Alex Smith
Rashida Jones (Ann Perkins) plays the nurse turned Leslie Knope’s best friend. Ann Perkins is nowhere close to the best character in the story. However, the plot of season one directly involves her. Ann comes to a parks meeting to protest the giant, hazardous hole in the park that broke her boyfriend, Andy’s (hey, they used to date) arm. Leslie vows to make it right, and the classic show was born.
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Alex Smith is season one of this dynasty. He developed the character that started the entire plot. Alex became Patrick’s best friend and biggest ally. Early seasons are never the best in a series, but they are imperative for a solid foundation. This one was easy to tie together.
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Donna Meagle – Travis Kelce
Rhetta (Marietta Sirleaf) plays the underrated Donna and makes her a force. Donna is an also ran during the first couple seasons, and then becomes key to the office dynamic in season three. Season three is where the show really gets going.
Kelce was good during the Alex Smith era. Always a solid stat guy and potentially the best TE in the league. Mahomes ended the debate. Kelce is the best TE in the league and possibly history. By the end of the show Donna is a wildly successful real estate mogul with a massive foundation. Kelce is a star. These two are peas in a Benz.
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Chris Traeger – Clark Hunt
Rob Lowe enters the show in the third season as visiting consultant, Chris. He arrives to get Pawnee on track and stays to be city manager. He is not anyone’s favorite character, but he is vital to the plot. Chris is the show’s moral compass, but also the pressure for greatness. Chris builds his team from his head and heart, which is where greatness meets. Chris doesn’t always win. He loses two excellent ladies at one point. However, he perseveres and ends up victorious.
No one roots for the good owner in pro sports, but everyone roots against a bad one. We as CHIEFS fans have a great one in Clark Hunt, who always swings big and usually gets his guy. He unites the head and the heart of the CHIEFS and turns them into champs.
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Ben Wyatt – Brett Veach
Leslie is the star of the show, but Adam Scott plays her GM, Ben Wyatt. Ben arrives with Chris to get Pawnee out of the red. He ruffles feathers, but quickly becomes loved for his sensibility. He later shows all his quirks and fits right in.
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Veach arrived as a scout to get the CHIEFS out of the red. He staked his reputation on Patrick Mahomes and forced both then GM John Dorsey and HC Andy Reid to watch his tape years before he came out. Like Ben, his is a late addition to the cast. However, he is as important as anyone.
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Bobby Newport and Jennifer Barkley – Tyreek Hill and his agent
The fourth season marked Leslie’s bid to run for Pawnee City Council. It was right there with all the community support. Then out of nowhere a powerful son of the biggest company in town tossed his hat in the ring. Paul Rudd entertained as Bobby, heir to the Sweetums fortune. In true rich people fashion Bobby had all the resources he could muster including super campaign manager, Jennifer Barkley. They almost ruined everything before Leslie pulled it off.
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Tyreek Hill is Bobby for his forced trade after failed WR salary market reset. His agent (or we can just say Drew Rosenhaus) was the aggressive push behind it. I don’t blame any of the real people and characters in this analogy. I’m just glad the good guys won both times.
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Perd Hapley – Orlando Brown Jr.
We are now into the ancillary characters. Perd is one of the reasons I added so many extras. He is ridiculous. He has an illogical amount of power and influence. Perd talks and it rarely makes total sense.
I think we all get the comparison here.
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Jeremy Jamm – the Ravens before the 2021 season
My goal was to find a frenemy. Leslie eventually gets a council seat and comes face to face with the antagonistic Jeremy Jamm. Jamm is a buffoon dead set on ruining Leslie in the name of politics. However, they end up working together, become friendly, and at one point Leslie and Ron help Jamm.
This is a stretch, but the Ravens trade of Orlando Brown to the CHIEFS carried some “political” vibes. Brown was out the door in Baltimore, the CHIEFS needed protection for Patrick’s blind side, and the Ravens office capitalized. They got a pick, the CHIEFS got a Super Bowl, and now… we kind of feel sorry for the Ravens, ala Jamm with Tammy.
Kind of.
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Joan Callamezzo – Skip Bayless
Joan is a talk show host on the show. She is way past her prime… assuming she had one in the first place. Her approach is self-serving with her execution of gotcha journalism. She inexplicably has it out for Leslie and many others. Joan is a total hater and it doesn’t make sense why she was around at all.
This is Skip Bayless.
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Crazy Ira and the Douche –
Mitch Holthus and Dan Kersting
Crazy Ira and the Douche (their logo on a t-shirt pictured at left) is the local radio shock jock morning show. Nick Kroll, who I love, plays the Douche. This is a clear Howard Stern parody. Stern has his share of justified vitriol, but he is undeniably smart and good at building an audience. The Douche on the show is crass, but often breaks character long enough to reveal he is highly educated kind in real life. However, he remains in character more often than not. His team includes a sound guy adding fart sounds and making it hilarious.
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I want to be clear –> I LOVE Mitch and Dan Kersting (who runs the scoreboard at Arrowhead). Neither are douches or simple fart noises. This was purely a blatant excuse to put people I like in this piece. Love you both and keep up the awesome work!!
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Mouserat – TechN9ne
Mouserat is Andy Dwyer’s band in the show. They play all the musical appearances and sing the show’s anthem. Tech N9ne does that for the CHIEFS. Another one just to include someone I like.
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Duke Silver – Blane Howard
Ron’s sax playing alter ego. Super talented and super entertaining. Blane is the soundtrack of 2020 and really the dynasty, and another inclusion because I like him.
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Lil Sebastian – Chiefs-A-Holic
Lil Sebastian is Pawnee’s beloved mini horse who appears and disappears suddenly from the show. The town loved and mourned him. His memorial was a town event. Mouserat sang the memorial song turned show anthem. Leslie tasked Andy to write a song like Candle in the Wind, but 10K times better. Andy produced show banger, 10K Candles in the Wind. Some (Ben) never understood the draw in the first place.
This kind of fits a super fan who popped and fizzled a bit too well.
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Mark Brendanawicz – Clyde Edwards-Helaire
The forgotten or underwhelming start – your choice. Mark was supposed to be the leading man of the show.
The chemistry was off, so it never happened. The story and talent appeared to be there, but the fit never was. Sounds too familiar.
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Jerry/Gary/Larry Gurgich – Romeo Crennel
Any fan of Parks and Rec knows I had to forget about Jerry. Jerry is the butt of every joke with a handful of exceptions. He is also a good dude with a massive heart and fulfilled life. Jerry was known for messing up strategy while crushing mundane bureaucracy. However, the show ends with Jerry taking a ceremonial and then important turn as mayor of Pawnee.
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Romeo was a bad coach for the CHIEFS. He captained the lowest spot of the CHIEFS history highlighted by the worst record and the #1 draft pick. However, he got the win against the 15-1 Packers that same 2012 season. He also navigated the team and organization through the horrible Belcher situation. Plus, he set the table for the Andy Reid Era. Every story has a heel. We at least have a loveable one.
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Bringing it Home: The Sapersteins, AKA The Wooorst –
John Dorsey and Todd Haley
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No CHIEFS die hard needs an explanation for this one. We all lived it and love the present even more because of it. Watch this for laughs.
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Thanks again for reading. I’m going to go get reamed by Misty for making this joke take over 2,500 words.
Be sure and return later today at 2:00 PM CDT for my piece called, “Chiefs Predictions and DRAFT OPEN THREAD.”
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Josh Kingsley — ArrowheadOne and Arrowhead Kingdom
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