Chiefs: Woke, Toke, Quiche, and I Can’t Even

Chiefs: Woke, Toke, Quiche,

and I Can’t Even

by Laddie Morse | December 11, 2018

The Kansas City Chiefs have evolved. While watching their win over the Baltimore Ravens was painful to watch at times — had to make sure I took my heart meds in the middle of the game — but it was also a game, in retrospect, that a new generation of fans can hang onto and identify with. That’s because these Chiefs are: Woke, Toke, Quiche, and I Can’t Even.

The following definitions are provided by BestLifeOnline.com (for the most part).

K.C. Chiefs Are Woke

“Woke: You may notice the lack of “up” following this word. If we know nothing else about millennials, it’s that they’re far too busy for modifiers. In this context, it’s not even just about being awake. It’s about suddenly springing to life, either out of alarm or determination. You’re woke, so now things are, you know, real.”

The rough and tumble Baltimore Ravens represent the kind of team the Chiefs would lose to late in the season including the playoffs… for the past several years. However, now the Chiefs are “Woke” and can beat the best the league can throw at them. Even the kind of teams that have bullied them in the past.

Chiefs games can make you want to Toke

“Toke: To inhale… smoke. Hand that peace pipe over here. I need another toke. To take a drag or puff of a joint/spliff. Yo dude take a toke and pass the joint!” – Urban Dictionary

There’s that sense of “Oh yeah, did you see that, get over here so you can see it too?” Now, when a Chiefs game comes on, watching them feels so good, you want to pass it around… so you call your friends… text your cousins in Dallas… email your buddy from college… and even try to get your own daughter who NEVER watches football to engage in a conversation about the Chiefs. It’s just such a high, you gotta pass it round.

[Admittedly, “Toke” is throwback rap for coggers like myself].

Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs are Quiche

“Quiche: It means hotter than hot. And if there’s one thing we can all agree on, it’s that quiches are sexy. Wait, what? Okay, maybe not. But maybe that’s why this millennial slang works. It’s like saying, “She’s so hot, she’s like my grandma’s slippers,” or “Her bikini photos are like a kale smoothie.” It works because it really, really doesn’t.”

The Kansas City has traditionally been treated like Siberia when it comes to being given attention by the major Sports reporting markets. Now, the Chiefs are Quiche and with good reason. Kansas City has the second best record in the NFL and more importantly, the best record in the AFC. That means that if the Chiefs can hold onto that position, all other teams in the AFC will have to look forward to visiting Arrowhead Stadium at some point in the playoffs, and likely have to beat the Chiefs to get to the Super Bowl in Atlanta. By the way, a seat at Arrowhead during the playoffs is now one hot ticket as we learned on Monday that 90% of all season ticket holders have already claimed their seats for the playoffs. Hotter that Hot… I mean, Quiche.

Describing the Chiefs Offense… I can’t even

“I can’t even: You can’t even what? It doesn’t matter. It could be something specific, it could be reality in general. The point is, the world has gone insane, and we can’t even.”

I can’t even describe how good the Chiefs offense is this season. I can’t even tell you how I feel about how well Patrick Mahomes is playing in his first season as the Chiefs QB. I can’t even…….

So… I’ll let others tell you. I’ve heard Patrick Mahomes play described as:

“Awesome beyond belief” – Tim Hasselbeck

“You’ve got to credit that young quarterback, this is his first year starting in the NFL. [shaking head] Man he ticked me off today.” – Jon Gruden.

“What’s the best part of The Patrick Mahomes Experience? Watching the nation fall in love with the football equivalent of John Wick right before our eyes.” – Terez Paylor

“So Patrick Mahomes is on pace for 52 TD passes, in his 1st year as a starting QB. Here’s the entire list of QBs in NFL history that have thrown more than 50 TDs in a single season: Peyton Manning. End list” – Trey Wingo

Peter Schrager on Patrick Mahomes No Look Pass, “Football erotica.”

In sports-ese comparison can be the greatest form of flattery. Following Sunday’s win by the Chiefs, an analyst was breaking down the play of Raven’s rookie QB Lamar Jackson and commented on one of his throws saying, “That was a very Mahomes-esk throw.” Patrick Mahomes has now become the standard by which others are compared. Along those same lines of thought, a regular blogger here at ArrowheadOne added this to yesterday’s discussion: “Heat/Lakers game a player does a no look pass and the NBA announcer calls it a “MaHome Pass”…lol.” Thank you CKA! 

Sometimes, pictures (in this case a video) are worth a thousand [no, a kajillion] words:

So, if you can handle some Quiche Chiefs football games… and you want to Toke them with your friends, daughter, and old college buddies… share some of these fine insights with them. Especially because you don’t want to get lit and break the internet without them and then they be like, JOMO (fear of losing out). Chiefs Slay! YAAAAAS!

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