Fake Tom Brady, Slow Starts and J.J. Watt – This is The Chop

Fake Tom Brady, Slow Starts and J.J. Watt – This is The Chop

I don’t know about you, but I’m still trying to comprehend that game last week. What in God’s name actually happened there? Honestly, you are left with three choices: it was either a gutsy performance from the Chiefs, a brutal meltdown by the Chargers, or something a little in between. Two of the things that scared the crap out of me going into the game held true: the complete and utter lack of a pass rush, and sub-par secondary play. I just had a feeling, what can I say.

And what can I say about Andy Reid and slow starts? A lot, actually. Here is a glimpse at Andy Reid’s records from the first quarter of every season that he’s been a head coach in the National Football League (Final Record in BOLD):

1999 – 0-4 (5-11)

2000 – 2-2 (11-5)

2001 – 2-2 (11-5)

2002 – 3-1 (12-4)

2003 – 2-2 (12-4)

2004 – 4-0 (13-3)

2005 – 3-1 (6-10)

2006 – 3-1 (10-6)

2007 – 1-3 (8-8)

2008 – 2-2 (9-6-1)

2009 – 3-1 (11-5)

2010 – 2-2 (10-6)

2011 – 1-3 (8-8)

2012 – 3-1 (4-12)

2013 – 4-0 (11-5)

2014 – 2-2 (9-7)

2015 – 1-3 (11-5)

What can we glean from this? A few things:

First, Andy Reid is a great coach

Not just a good coach, he’s a great coach. In 17 full seasons, 14 of them have included 8 or more wins. That’s really, really good. Plus, 1999 was his first season, so we shouldn’t have to hold that against him. In 2005, the Eagles had a severe case of the injury bug and Mike McMahon started the final 10 games, going 2-8. Lastly, we all remember the 2012 “Dream Team” debacle that ended Andy Reid’s long Eagles tenure. So really, if you think long and hard about it, the guy has never had a losing season. And yes, if this logic reminds you of one of your favorite George Carlin bits, believe me, you’re not alone:

Secondly, Reid-coached teams do indeed have a tendency to start slow

In fact, almost 65% of Andy Reid’s winning squads started their seasons with a record of 2-2 or worse in their first 4 games.

I’ll wait while you read that again.

Lastly, there’s no reason to panic

Especially because the Chiefs won a game they should have, and 9 times of ten would have, lost. Yes the team looks to have some deficiencies. But Reid is a coach I’ll trust to overcome such deficiencies, especially knowing that as the season progresses, they’ll gain reinforcements like Justin Houston and Jamaal Charles. Plus, who wants to peak in September? Anyone? Anyone?

That’s what I thought.

On a positive note, I do find it interesting that it really only took about 2.5 quarters for the Chiefs to say, “enough is enough” and win the damn game last week. It’s like they were collectively drugged the night before, and midway through the third quarter, the drugs began to wear off. If they can keep that “screw this, we’re winning the game, and there’s nothing you can do about it” attitude, they could be very good. Teams with willpower are tough. Teams with talent and willpower are dangerous.

Without further ado, ladies and gentlemen. I give you The Chop:

Random Thought #2

Fake Tom Brady is the worst/best thing to hit the NFL since real Tom Brady.

Seriously, look at that. Just LOOK at it. It’s like a cross between Tom Brady and Rocky Dennis. It’s terrifying, but simultaneously, beautiful. Upon seeing this I immediately Googled “Tom Brady mask” to see just where this gentleman purchased such a highly-realistic piece, but alas, couldn’t find anything but cardboard print-outs. This is legit. I’m hoping to commission an Alex Smith mask just like it, so if any of you know where I can get this, or work in a Hollywood “Creature Factory” hit me up.

Surprise Upset of the Week

Alright, so I may have dropped the ball on my pick of Washington to beat Pittsburgh, but damn it, I’m going to pull a Pete Prisco (more on him next week) and keep blasting you guys with awful picks. So, here’s this week’s upset: The Rams will beat Seattle this week.

Okay, I know they looked more than anemic last week, but frankly, so did the Seahawks.

At home.

Versus the Dolphins.

This week St. Louis…err…Los Angeles shocks the world and wins their first home game since 1994.

Book it.

Over/Under on mentions of J.J. Watt by the announcers

Okay, so in roughly 3 hours, if the announcers say the name “J.J. Watt” every five minutes, that would be 36 mentions. So, I’m setting it at 36.

Here’s why: The NFL, NFL announcers, analysts, commentators, and “personalities” gear their content towards the casual fan. “Casual fandom” looks a bit like this:

Casual Fan 1: Who’s playing today?

Casual Fan 2: Looks like the Chiefs and the Texans.

Casual Fan 1: (Immediately thinks of each team’s starting Quarterback) Oh, Alex Smith versus… who is the Texans QB again?

Casual Fan 2: No idea.

Casual Fan1: Oh geez, I can’t watch Alex Smith, he doesn’t throw the ball downfield.

Casual Fan 2: Well the Texans have that one guy, the big guy, Watt?

Casual Fan 1: Oh yeah, J.J. Watt. He’s kind of funny. Let’s watch.

Honestly, the only two things that any normal, casual, non-fan-boy will know or care about during this game will be J.J. Watt, and the NFL knows this. So, good or bad, healthy or not, dominating or non-factor, J.J. Watt will be the focal point of the broadcast.

Screw it, I’m taking the over.

Sh*t My Dad Will Say

“RUN THE BALL!!!”

This is a favorite of my Dad’s, as he believes that the Chiefs should run the ball nearly every play. What’s funny is, if Andy Reid could, he’d probably pass every play.

My retort is usually, “well you know, in Andy Reid’s offense, the pass is used as an extension of the run.” He gets it, but ever since I was a kid, if the Chiefs offense is not moving the ball, Dad thinks they need to line up in Jumbo, and start hammering away.

It’s not all that crazy, though, especially the way the Chiefs have shown they can run the ball. Spencer Ware in particular runs the ball angry. I haven’t seen angry running like that since Larry Johnson’s first huge season. LJ kind of quit doing that and ended up producing 2.5 yards and a cloud of dust with every touch, but something tells me Ware will play angry until his career ends.

So this week, I agree with Pops. Run the ball. Play solid D. Control the clock. Leave Houston with a win.

Sounds easy, right?

If only that were true.

Until next week, friends.

-P