Howdy fellas! Did you miss me? After over a week of praying to the porcelain I’m back and ready to entertain you heathens. Luckily for me Laddie stepped up big and covered for me. (Once again thank you Ladner for everything you do for us.)
Now on to the subject at hand. Your Saturday morning Lucky Charms just aren’t the same without my personal brand of wit and commentary. This week has been a tough pill to swallow. The Chiefs have beaten (one quite handily) both teams headed to the Super Bowl, and one of the the entrants is helmed by a former Chiefs coach. We can touch on everything you already know a bit later on. Here it is, the moment you have been waiting for. Here is your Saturday Sum Up!
Sutton Stands Still
In a move that could cost several members of the Chiefs community their sanity and a minimum of 3 years off the end of their lives head coach Andy Reid has decided to stick with embattled defensive coordinator Bob Sutton. Let this soak in for a moment. While you are digesting this turd sandwich I would like you to think back to the complete and utter collapse to the Indianapolis Colts in the playoffs not so long ago. Do you have it pictured in your head? How does that make you feel? Show me on the doll where Bob Sutton hurt you. That kind of inept defensive playcalling that cost the Chiefs the game.
Next I would like you to fast forward to the futuristic fantasy land that was the 2015 season. After throttling the Texans into submission Sutton decides that shutting out an opposing team makes for a boring football game so he has to keep it close. You know for schlittz and giggles. Well his hapless calls in New England cause the Chiefs to be shown the door 20-27. What about the following season you may ask? Well gentle jerkwads I am here to tell you that we were beat out by the Steelers. You know, the guys that wear black white and yellow. They are from a town that has something to do with plastic I think. The latest stain on the great Bob Sutton’s record is a second half meltdown that I was personally in attendance to. Get this, Sutton’s squad lost to a quarterback who completed a touchdown pass to himself. I will concede the fact that games are won and lost by whole teams, but if the 200 episodes of Gordan Ramsey’s Kitchen Nightmares that I binge watched while being down with the flu has taught me anything it is that a fish rots from the head down. (Oh, and also Gordon hates frozen food.)
If the problems on the team are mainly on the defensive side of the ball then logic would dictate that someone on the defensive side of the ball, someone higher up. You know, someone with the ability to coordinate the defense, should get a pink slip. Instead of getting the axe, Sutton has gotten a stern talking to and a frowny face on Reid’s big board of baddies. You had better be careful Bob. Next time you may have to stand in the corner for the entire recess while all of your friends get juice boxes. You have been warned.
Reid Runs Rampant
So I’ve got good news for everyone on this website who absolutely loves bubble screens and jet sweeps! Andy Reid, head coach of the Kansas City Chiefs, will resume the duties of playcalling for the 2018 offense. I will wait for you to compose yourselves…………………… ……………………………………….. …………………………………………. …………………………………………. …………………………………………. …………………………………………. …………….. okay, I can’t wait any longer. You are just going to have to suck it up Mary. Laurels, no crying in the corner. We are all well aware of the Andy Reid playbook. It is about 2500 pages long and there are a total of 4 plays in it. 1 run – straight up the gut, 1 jet sweep – alternate between left and right to keep the defense guessing. 1 bubble screen – only Albert Wilson is allowed to catch the ball oh and he also has to be a blocker too, and finally a 3-yard pass for those pesky 3rd and 10 situations.
I am convinced that the rest of the book is just different takeout menus pasted in and the last page has a drawing of Andy and Santa holding hands, they are bestest buddies you know. When Matt Nagy finally wrestled away the play sheet from Reid we were able to get a slim glimpse of what could be. Alex Smith was able to put together the best season of his career we became accustomed to 20, 30 and even 40+ yard passes. Welp, those days are over. I hope you like 2 runs and a screen pass because that is where this bus is headed. Unless Reid removes the training wheels from the offense and quits going conservative and playing not to lose (even when we are losing) it won’t matter who is chucking the pigskin next year. So maybe, just maybe, if we are really good and finish all of our vegetables Andy might treat us to a 6 yard pass on 3rd and 10.
Tantalizing Tid Bits
*The Kansas City Chiefs have a new quarterbacks coach. Andy Reid has promoted Mike Kafka to the position. Kafka has previously been the offensive quality-control coach for the Chiefs. Mike was a former quarterback drafted in the 4th round by Andy Reid and the Philadelphia Eagles in 2010.
*Kansas City linebacker Kevin Pierre-Louis has landed himself in hot water. The rising defensive player has been arrested after a traffic stop Thursday and is currently facing multiple charges. Possession of marijuana, possession of THC, driving without a license, possession of drug paraphernalia, and lapsed registration. Pierre-Louis has been released on bond. The team has not released a statement as of this writing.
*Tony Gonzalez will be inducted into the Chiefs Hall of Fame. The best and most durable tight end to play the game will finally be honored by the team that he played so many years for. The Chiefs organization has announced Friday that Gonzalez will be the 2018 inductee. Clark Hunt issued a statement. “Tony Gonzalez is the greatest tight end in the history of the National Football League and one of the greatest Chiefs of all time. In his 12 seasons in Kansas City, he revolutionized his position, and his record-breaking performances and commitment to the Kansas City community made him one of the most beloved players in the Chiefs Kingdom. As a family and as an organization, we are excited to have the chance to celebrate Tony and his incredible career in the coming season, and we look forward to adding his name to its rightful place in the Ring of Honor at Arrowhead this fall.”
There we have it guys. Let me know if you have any other Chiefs news because we are always looking for more stories. Comment below and let me know how perfect this article was and how much I made your day better. As always VIVA LA JET SWEEP and GO CHIEFS!
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