The Twelve Days of Chiefs-mas!

Ho ho ho! When I say this I’m not talking about your ex, I’m actually trying to get all of you into the holiday spirits! Please do not take this as a call to arms to run to the nearest liquor store and get yourself some holiday spirits. Eggnog is awful anyways. What I would like for you heathens who most certainly are bound for the land of Krampus and coal to do is get out your pens and paper. It’s time to write a Chiefs-mas letter to big guy in red. All letters written will become the property of ArrowheadOne and its subsidiaries and affiliates. Any rights given or expressed are hereby waived and all readers of this article will be required to give all Christmas presents to the original writer, John Dillman AKA “Heilios”, or an agent of his choosing. Subject to change, experiences may vary, no purchase necessary.) How about a little caroling to get us in the Chiefs-mas spirit? You may recognize this little ditty.

One the first day of Chiefs-mas my head coach gave to me… A case of severe anxiety.

On the second day of Chiefs-mas my head coach gave to me… Two payoff losses and a case of severe anxiety.

On the third day of Chiefs-mas my head coach gave to me… Three point drives, two playoff losses and a case of severe anxiety.

On the fourth day of Chiefs-mas my head coach gave to me… Four consecutive losses, three point drives, two playoff losses and a case of severe anxiety.

On the fifth day of Chiefs-mas my head coach gave to me… Five straight punts, four consecutive losses, three point drives, two playoff losses and a case of severe anxiety.

On the sixth day of Chiefs-mas my head coach gave to me… Six blown games, five straight punts, four consecutive losses, three point drives, two playoff losses and a case of severe anxiety.

On the seventh day of Chiefs-mas my head coach gave to me… Seven open receivers, six blown games, five straight punts, four consecutive losses, three point drives, two playoff losses and a case of severe anxiety.

On the eighth day of Chiefs-mas my head coach gave to me… Eight torched defenders, seven open receivers, six blown games, five straight punts, four consecutive losses, three point drives, two playoff losses and a case of severe anxiety.

On the ninth day of Chiefs-mas my head coach gave to me… Nine missed tackles, eight torched defenders, seven open receivers, six blown games, five straight punts, four consecutive losses, three point drives, two playoff losses and a case of severe anxiety.

On the tenth day of Chiefs-mas my head coach gave to me… Ten whiffed blocks, nine missed tackles, eight torched defenders, seven open receivers, six blown games, five straight punts, four consecutive losses, three point drives, two playoff losses and a case of severe anxiety.

On the eleventh day of Chiefs-mas my head coach gave to me… Eleven worthless players, ten whiffed blocks, nine missed tackles, eight torched defenders, seven open receivers, six blown games, five straight punts, four consecutive losses, three point drives, two playoff losses and a case of severe anxiety.

On the twelfth day of Chiefs-mas my head coach gave to me… Twelve bubble screens, eleven worthless players, ten whiffed blocks, nine missed tackles, eight torched defenders, seven open receivers, six blown games, five straight punts, four consecutive losses, three point drives, two playoff losses and a case of severe anxiety.

We all have that family member (or members) who just can’t act appropriately and wind up making an ass of themselves. For the sake of simplicity we will just call them “Peter(s)”. This… “Peter(s)”… refuses to participate in certain holiday festivities. We can call these festivities… “tackling.” So when this “Peter(s)” won’t give the slightest impression they are even interested in “tackling” and they get frustrated things aren’t going as they’d hoped, then they have no one to blame but themselves. It’s bound to happen and Grandma Sue in on the receiving end of a temper tantrum. “Peter(s)” is sent to his room without dessert and everyone suffers for it. It’s now an awkward evening and someone will certainly forget what is going on and we will all be reminded once again the exact circumstances that led to his absence to begin with.

With dinner out of the way we all make our way to the tree. Shining in all it’s glory the Chiefs-mas tree has the allure and power to wipe the bad tastes out of our mouths from dinner by offering gifts and rekindled hope. Now inevitably we are going to get the dreaded pink bunny suit of despair, but after it is all said and done we peak behind the couch to find the last present. Hidden away by the big guy in red is the best present we could hope for! A gut punch for the Raiders, a grounding of the Chargers, canning the Dolphins, and a gelding of the Broncos. What more could we ask for with our Chiefs-mas wish?

It’s quickly closing in on the final days before Christmas and I just know that big guy in red is going to get me… some playoff victories. So leave out the milk and cookies, and if you are really good, Old Saint Reid will shimmy down your chimney and give you everything you could ever hope for.

Comment below and let me know just how awesome I am. Seriously, do it. As always VIVA LA JET SWEEP and GO CHIEFS! Oh and MERRY CHIEFS-MAS!

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