The Assault on Arrowhead

“The Assault on Arrowhead” — with a title like this, you would think this piece would be an in-depth analysis of the concerns and problems plaguing the inhabitants of One Arrowhead Drive. Well, you are wrong! I actually stole the title for this article from a good buddy of mine who just happens to own what he has lovingly named his Arrowhead Assault Vehicle. My whole reasoning for this article is to rub it in everyone’s face that I, yes me the most awesomest and coolest writer that ArrowheadOne has to offer (I would be happy to debate this title I have given myself but let it be known that I will be the judge for the final outcome of the coolest writer contest and I am fairly biased. Editor’s Note: Sorry John, that’s against the rules.) will be in attendance as our beloved Kansas City Chiefs crush the Los Angeles Chargers on Saturday night. I was even considering taking the week off from an article just to prepare more for my pending Assault on Arrowhead but then I found myself wondering what you, the helpless masses, would do without my witty and perfectly written weekly article. The foreseen outcome was not a pretty sight. All of you at each others throats with a pig head on a pike by noon. I just couldn’t live with myself if I would have left you to your fate. I am just too good of a guy to do that. So what to do with my captive audience? Should I write about all of the reasons I believe the Chiefs will triumph over the Chargers? Or perhaps I would be better off going reciting the storied and magical history of Arrowhead? Nah. I would like to share what I plan on doing Saturday at Arrowhead. For the sake of simplicity, we will call it my battle plan for the Assault on Arrowhead.

Half of the reason to go to Arrowhead on game-day is the great tailgating experience. I have ribs that are already marinating in their delicious juices ready for me to start up the smoker tomorrow. You can probably taste the fall off the bone goodness already. Just imagine that sweet succulent aroma all around you. Sweet Jesus they are going to taste good… Sorry I distracted myself with the thought of ribs. We should get back on track.

Now some people are introverts and wish to keep to themselves and the few people who they came with. Well not me. It just wouldn’t be fair of me to keep all of this (gestures to whole self) to myself. I must mingle. I must amass an army. I am going to make it my mission to help unite the Chiefs Kingdom one tailgater at a time. I was thinking I should buy a few cases of beer and just wander the parking lot while my buddies tend the grill. Nothing says friendship like free beer from a stranger with and even stranger smile. (Side note: I may have the cops called on me. Laddie, standby with bail money. Editor’s Note: Okay, but I’ll be sitting).

It should go without saying I will become one of the most powerful figureheads throughout the entire parking lot. The Chiefs faithful will be lining up to follow me hanging on my every word. Picture Apocalypse Now just with less Marlon Brando and more me. I will become their leader, their commander, their general. With my new following of rabid fans of the red and gold we will storm the stadium. Like any battle we will need to win the field to win the day. As the general of the Chiefs fanbase I will not fail. We will be loud, we will be fierce and we will be the difference makers. The banners of my army will wave in the wind high above the field. Our rivals will fear our combined might. On 3rd and short when our defenders are tired we will make our stand. The roar of my army will catch the enemy off guard and cause problems with communication. This will help us in the end resulting in a big win for the home team.

Like Genghis Khan I will allow the fanbase of my enemies keep their views and beliefs provided they pay the proper tribute and respect to their conquerors. I am just nice like that. After the defeat of the invading forces I will gladly relinquish my command of the battalion and begin the long march through the parking lot that it all started in. I plan to retire to my bed knowing that I made a difference. That my group of fighters destroyed the moral of the Chargers. This is my battle-plan.

So who is with me? Who wants to join my army? Which ones of you will follow me into Arrowhead to fight the good fight?

Anyone who is coming to the game tomorrow let me know. I am dead serious about bringing beer for anyone who wants it. I don’t even drink. I want tomorrow to be the perfect Assault. Ribs, good people, and a great game. That is all I can ask for. I’ll see you at Arrowhead!

Comment below and let me know how awesome I am and how much better I would be as a false idol over that hack Marlon Brando. As always VIVA LA JET SWEEP and GO CHIEFS!

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