Week. Freaking. One: This is “The Chop”

For football fans nationwide, today is one of the best days of the year.

At this very moment, fans of all sizes, genders, races and beliefs throughout this fine country of ours are filled to the brim with optimism and waiting with bated breath to see their teams take the field and begin their inevitable journey towards Super Bowl 51, and football’s sweetest prize, the Lombardi Trophy.

Yes, no doubt many fans out there are, right at this very moment, circling February 5th, 2017 on their calendars, and cruising Kayak for affordable plane tickets to Houston.

And let them.

Because all of the waiting, the pontificating, the predictions, the arguing, the speculation; it all ends here. This is where the road meets the rubber. Where you can finally sit back and watch as your team starts doing the smack talking for you. Where you can wait until the clock strikes zero, turn confidently towards the nay-sayers, and with a twinkle in your eye, and a belly full of beer and Mom’s chili, say, “I told you so.”

At least, if you’re right. Chances are, though, you’re probably not.

But that’s what makes this fun, and that’s what’s so magical about Week 1 in the NFL. Everyone is a contender. Every horse is lined up at the gate. Week by week, teams will begin to fall away from the pack. But today, it’s different. Today, it’s special.

Who The Hell Is This Guy?

Let me hit the pause button for a second and introduce myself. To put it bluntly, I’m Paul Heitman (@paulheitman on Twitter), and I love football. Further, I love Kansas City Chiefs football. I’m known by my friends to be the ultimate homer; the guy who can’t pick against the Chiefs for the life of him, and the guy who loads up on too many Chiefs players every year in fantasy drafts (I DRAFTED Jon Baldwin to my Fantasy team in 2012, for Christ’s sake.).

That said, I make a conscious effort to be objective when discussing the NFL, and will do so on this site specifically. While I bleed Chiefs red, I’m firmly grounded in reality (all homer fantasy gaffes aside), and will not be afraid to say things that might rattle the cage of your everyday KC fan boy.

Let me be clear as day: I want to have an active relationship with my readers, and hope to regularly discuss the nitty-gritty with each and every one of you. Please drop any and all comments below, or harass me on Twitter. Let’s discuss, argue, agree, bicker, and bemoan our Chiefs and the NFL together.

So strap in guys, because we’ll probably have a lot to talk about this year.

What is The Chop?

Every Sunday morning while you’re painting your faces red and gold, popping on your favorite Chiefs jersey, and icing up your cooler, stop by and get jacked with me. I’ll be providing a weekly collection of random Chiefs and NFL related musings, sensical or not, that will strive to entertain (mostly) and inform (sometimes).

Sure, it might be before noon, but don’t sweat it. Crack open your first beer. There’s football on, so normal drinking conventions don’t apply.

Without further ado, let’s get to it. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you: The Chop.

Random Thought

Is it just me, or does Wade Phillips look exactly like Captain Kangaroo?

Honestly though, how typical was that game on Thursday night? It had all of the elements of a Broncos game. You had illegal hits and dirty plays, lucky breaks, and of course, great defense.

For those of you sleeping on the Broncos, wake up. They are not done, and won’t give up the AFC West without a fight – or at least, a helmet-to-helmet hit.

Why today’s game is already a big one

I know I just wrote a few words about fans “brimming with optimism,” and I am still one of them. But, this Chargers game scares the living daylights out of me. This game is huge from a number of different angles.

Denver won – So, the Chiefs have to keep pace.
The Patriots are Deflated – New England is at Arizona without Brady and Gronk. If the Chiefs want that home playoff game (and believe me, they do), they’re going to have to make ground during the Brady suspension.
Oakland is on the Road – The Raiders very well could also lose down in the Big Easy. I believe as of Saturday, the Raiders are 1-point underdogs according to Vegas. While I think Oakland is the better team, road games are hard to win, and the Raiders have a number of new pieces and may need some time to gel before they’re ready for big-boy quarterbacks like Drew Brees.
Potential Mainstream Media Heartbreak – The Steelers may lose. I know they’re the media darlings, and everyone loves their high-powered offense, but I see the Steelers getting beat in Washington. Call me crazy in a couple of hours when they don’t, but that’s my upset special this week. Should Kirk Cousins and crew take out the Steelers, it will be nice to start the season with a game up on Pittsburgh.

Why today’s game scares me

As I mentioned above, today’s matchup against the Chargers terrifies me. Here are a few reasons why:

The Chargers Offense – Say what you will about San Diego, but they’re not the team they were last year. Keenan Allen is back and healthy, and they also made a nice addition in Travis Benjamin. Add the return of Antonio Gates and Danny Woodhead to the mix, plus the (supposedly) talented Melvin Gordon getting a second shot as the feature back (he can’t be as bad as he was last year, right?), the offense will be improved.
The Loss of Sean Smith – Remember when Sean Smith was suspended last year, and for some reason the KC secondary looked absolutely awful? Remember when he returned and our secondary looked much, much better? Yeah. This worries me. I’m having visions of Keenan Allen running crossing routes all day on our secondary, and if that happens, the Chiefs could be in big trouble.
The KC Pass-Rush – Will there be one? With the Saturday cut of Dezman Moses, the Chiefs seem quietly confident that the crew of Tamba Hali, Dee Ford, Frank Zombo and Dadi Nicolas can get it done. I sure hope they’re right. This defense relies heavily on pressure and man-coverage. If both aren’t working well on Sunday, it could be a long afternoon.

Why today’s game shouldn’t scare me

The flip-side of the coin here is that I’m probably being neurotic and nervous for no reason. Here are a few reasons why I might be unnecessarily freaking out.

Arrowhead Pepperjack – The place is going to be jacked, as per usual, with a little extra opening-day pepper.
San Diego’s Secondary – Maclin straight-up owned Jason Verrett last year, and I expect him to do more of the same this year. The departure of Eric Weddle is a big loss for San Diego, and our old buddy Eric Flowers has seen his prime come and go.
The Charger’s Front Seven – San Diego’s front seven is lacking in star power, as well as ability. Catfish Te’o may be one of the worst linebackers in the NFL, and I’m not certain the addition of an old Brandon Mebane is the answer at nose tackle.

Over/Under on Jahleel Addae dirty plays

This dude plays dirty to the point where choir boy Alex Smith had to tell him what was up last year. Chances are, ol’ boy keeps playing his game, which is as scummy as it gets. I’m setting the mark here at 3, so what are you taking? Over or under?

**“Sh*t” My Dad Will Say**

I watch every game with Pops, and it’s an experience unlike anything else. Usually we’ll get a few curse words, peppered in with some awesome nicknames, and of course, relentless blaming of officials. Here’s what I expect to hear from Pops Week 1:

He’ll call Travis Kelce something ridiculous if he fumbles/drops a pass – I know Kelce is a fan favorite, and I don’t disagree that the dude can play. But he has, in the past, shown a tendency to fumble, and at inopportune times. When this happens (or should he make any other mistake, for that matter), my Dad goes off. It’s like clockwork. Due to his always-tight fade, whenever Kelce did something that angered my father last year (right or wrong), my Dad would scream, “Haircut” at him.

That’s right. “Haircut.”

It would go something like this:

Announcer: “Oh man, looks like Travis Kelce had his hands on it, and just let it go through his fingertips. Wow, he definitely should have caught that pass.”

My Father: “Dammit Haircut, what the hell is wrong with you!”

I’m hoping Dad gets a bit more creative this year. Hopefully, he incorporates some element from Kelce’s upcoming dating show. Fingers crossed. I’ll keep you updated.

He’ll point out every hold on Tamba Hali — Look, I get this one. Tamba has made a living getting to the quarterback, but could very well have twice as many sacks if it weren’t for some of the non-calls. Dude gets held all the time, sometimes egregiously. That said, my father mentions it nearly every play. No doubt this will happen today.

He’ll laugh hysterically when Philip Rivers inevitably throws a tantrum — There’s nothing Dad loves more than Philip Rivers crying. He does it about every game, but my father thinks this is the greatest thing in the world. This will definitely happen today at some point, and Dad will laugh like the Joker himself when it does. I can’t wait.

Really, I can’t wait for the whole thing. The obnoxiously overblown and bizarrely patriotic opening ceremony. The first points scored. The constant peeks at my fantasy matchup. Laughing at Philip Rivers crying. Sitting next to my Dad. Drinking a beer.

Chiefs football.

Paul Heitman